06/08/2025

so, now. the question is: is he a hipster or is he bisexual?

31/07/2025

sad day for twink lovers... 😔

it was the last day of the third colleague who's been teaching me the ropes all month long. my crush wasn't there today and this colleague is very discrete and respectful so i entrusted him with my secret. i told him that i debilitatingly simped over my crush and this colleague was very assured in his shutdown and he was right to do so.

he told me that it was stupid to take the risk of fucking up a good dynamic and my relationship to this job when it's a chill and enjoyable place. and he told me voicing out my feelings would make my crush feel uncomfortable. which i understand. from what i've gathered, he has a more definite line between work and his private life.

well.

i will simp from afar

honorable mention to museum guy who skyrocketed in my dms this week and who's a very thoughtful guy. maybe getting a drink with him after html day... will he make me forget about my work crush who's been haunting my life day and night for the past month ? stay tuned next for a libra sun, leo rising and i don't remember what else but i've been told my chart said that i was meant to love. so. stay tuned next for more loving.

29/07/2025

the idea that my crush might be straight is dawning on me. as someone who's bisexual, i have trouble understanding gender having a weigh in the crush balance. still, i like to think (i dare to) one can fall for someone outside their usual preferences depending on the person they meet. still, what if he can't be attracted to me?

my friend told me i give big clark kent puppy energy, so i hope i can charm my way. but, to be entirely truthful, i'm simply enjoying having a real crush in a while. maybe it'll work out, it most probably won't, but i'm enjoying the ride.

he gifted our colleague a book i have, so we talked about it. it's a very niche book and he was surprised i knew about it... my guy you are dealing with an SSR-rated nerd.

he teased me today. i liked it.

i think he's shier than what meets the eye, i hope i'll get to learn more about him.

also, we were having lunch at the park and he was lying down. i saw a sliver of his stomach. my victorian ass cannot deal with this.

28/07/2025

i'm praying my crush never finds this page.

he came back from his vacation today. we had lunch and coffee together with a couple of colleagues.

everyone, it's bad. i felt my insides turn into jelly whenever he looked at me. i had heart palpitations for the first hour because i thought he was coming back tomorrow, not today. i was not prepared.

anyway, lunch. i caught myself staring at the sliver of his tongue moistening his lips as he talked, the veins of his hands as he gestured around, the hint of pale skin under his thin silver necklace, the expanse of his throat as he laughed. and when he laughed at my jokes? a blessing.

he showed me pictures of his vacation, and our shoulders were brushing, faces a few centimenters apart. when he finished showing me the pics, he tool a step back, as if realizing how close we'd been. part of me wants to hope, the other knows i would feel it if i had a chance. still. when i asked him to tell me if i was annoying (with my work questions and in general), he told me he wouldn't feel that way. i teased him about annoying him on purpose and he looked at me with an amused smile, and his gaze. oh his gaze felt heavy and electrifying.

once again, i'm no fool. i think this will be a hopeless chase. i can tell i have two coworkers who have a crush on me and he is not on that list.

still, i'm a simp first and foremost. i will find the beauty of sunrise in the crescent of his eyes as he grins. i don't need more (but i want to) (yearning is not forbidden).

18/07/2025

we had lunch yesterday. just the two of us, our colleague exceptionally not there again.

i asked him what he liked to do on his free time and never did he mention a +1. the thing is, he doesn't really talk about his friends either, nor am i supposed to know about his blog despite us talking about its topic every day.

we created files together during the afternoon and were sitting quite close, i think he feels a little more at ease with me now.

the other day, he joked about how i always compliment his pants, so i told him i had another compliment for him, and complimented his glasses. he looked genuinely happy about it.

i may come off as a simp,but i think it's okay. i'd like to be a little more chill though. today, he was working remotely and we kept it very professional. i don't think i should expect more.

15/07/2025

oh, what a glorious day to be a simp !

our third colleague wasn't here today so i ended up spending lots of time with my crush.

i had a gift for our third colleague and i deposited it on his desk and ended up talking with my crush for 45 minutes.

he asked about my plushies, we talked about how to keep plants alive and he showed me where he was going on vacation.

and then we had lunch together, just the two of us 😵‍💫. we talked about music tastes, movies we like, and throughout the day, all the activities he could've done with a gf/bf (vacation, concerts) was either alone or with friends. should i dare hope?

he likes guadagnino (cmbyn, challengers, queer) aka exclusively queer movies and i'm hoping - OH i'm hoping!

i complimented him on his pants and he told me he had noticed i like his trousers in general. i fumbled a little but it was meant to be teasing. i wish i could've teased him too haha. he had nice pastel green corduroy pants, they were pretty!

also, i've been obsessed with tennis since roland garros 2025 so i spent my sunday afternoon in front of the sincaraz finale. i showed my crush the tennis makeup i had done and he remembered who was playing the finale AND who i was rooting for... sweet.

anyway last but not least, i noticed again how much smaller than me he is and it's stupid but it makes me feel feral. the urge to claim. he has pretty lips too. i'm gonna stop there before i get foolish.

14/07/2025

i know dating a colleague is a bad idea.

first of all, i would need him to be attracted to me in the first place. which is not a given. i just got there and i feel like i'm at a stage of my transition where you gotta be bisexual to like the in-between i'm in.

i know it's berating to my gender identity, but i have to be realistic.

anyway. can someone tell him i'm hot and charming?

12/07/2025

well. i am simping.

we have bonded over music and i made him a playlist. i missed my stop by a good fifteen minutes.

i've been chasing the sound of his laughter, very happy with myself whenever i make him laugh. it's bad.

05/07/2025

what's new is that i started a job and i have a crush on my colleague. life is hard.

what i like about him? well:

• he's got eye wrinkles from smiling so much
• i'm not arguing with a guy with big brown eyes
• he's calm and he looks warm

what could go wrong? 🙃

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